Quotes From Woody Allen

"Eighty-five percent of life is just showing up."

"If only God would give me some clear sign!

Like making a large deposit in my name in a

Swiss bank."

"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable,

as one's hat keeps blowing off."

"Money is better than poverty,

if only for financial reasons."

"Some people want to achieve immortality

through their works or their descendants. I

prefer to achieve immortality by not dying."

"What if everything is an illusion and nothing

exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."

"Why are our days numbered and not, say,

lettered? "

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.

What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.

Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock.

Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak.

When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing "Embraceable

You" in spats.

-Woody Allen-

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans."

There are 22 stars in the Paramount movie studio logo.

The Quips & Quotes Ring
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"Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him 'Be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words."

"I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government."

"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."

"In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows."